Stefan and I were at Bible Study last night, and we were on our final night of Jim Cymbala's When the Spirit Moves study. The verse we were studying was from Romans 8:25-26.
"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
This verse spoke directly to me. Last week Tuesday, I felt this overwhelming presence, and trust me, it wasn't a good one. My heart started beating fast, I started crying, and I can only imagine that I was having a panic attack (never had one before). No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall back asleep. I got out of bed, not knowing what to do, and found myself face down on the kitchen floor. I don't remember what I prayed for, but I know I was crying. I just keep my head down until I felt that awful pressure and presence leave me. In return, God's spirit just washed over me, comforting me!
Through all of our trials, it has become very evident that Stefan and I are not in control. We never have been, but it has always felt that we were, somewhat! God has brought us to our knees. We know we cannot do it alone. We know that thinking about tomorrow and worrying causes too much pain and anxiety. He only asks us to trust in Him today. He specifically interceded for me last week. I was in too much pain to even know what to pray for. He already knew my pain, and knew my prayers. He just let me cry.
Thank you God for always loving us, for loving our children, and for being able to know, without a doubt, that you will never leave us.
Stefan and I still find ourselves grieving, and probably will for some time. But at least we are confident that all of this is part of God's great plan, and He WILL use Luke's life to glorify Him.
Luke continues to grow and it is truly a blessing to watch! He now weighs over 9 lbs. He gets his new hearing aids on Thursday and also has his first IFSP services. Thank you again for your notes, meals, kind words of encouragement and prayers. We feel so surrounded by love!
Love, The MN Juliens
4 comments:
HIs eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me...
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4
So powerful Betsy. Thank you for sharing. Loving you guys.
Thank you for sharing Betsy. It is very freeing to give control over to The Lord and as you continue on in your journey with Him, He will abundantly show His grace, mercy and love to your whole family!
I couldn't agree more regarding the importance of living in the moment...trusting in Luke's creator to give you all you need for today. Remember you are NEVER alone.
Reflecting back, some moments were hard with raising our sweet Lindsey but God never abandoned us! Bob and I both grew in dependence, which is such a good thing...words can't express!
Praying for you all. Caroline
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